So one of my favorite comic book heroes growing up was Green Lantern. For those of you who are in denial about their past, Green Lantern used the green power of a green ring he got from the good people of Oa. Or possibly Ao. He had two flaws:
1. His green powers wouldn't work against the color yellow. So he'd, like, make a green gun and shoot it at you, and if you were wearing a yellow hat, you'd be ok.
2. He would sometimes run out of power in his ring, and have to refill it using, get this, a Green Lantern. I guess sometimes even that green lantern would get low, so he'd have to go back to Oa every now and then.
So that was fun. Until they started messing around with the story. All of a sudden, they came out with new green rings that did work against the color yellow. But wait! Then they didn't work against yellow, once again. But wait! There wasn't a flaw in the rings all along! It was simply the fear and belief in the powerlessness against the color yellow that created a self-fulfilling prophecy that made them powerless against the color yellow.
Also, eventually, the planet of Oa was destroyed. You would think that this would end the entire sequence. Instead, the new (and last) Green Lantern has a ring of unlimited green power. That has no weaknesses.
Then he got a sidekick, Green Arrow. Green Arrow didn't have any superpowers or rings of unlimited power, but he did have arrows. Special arrows that would freeze people or stun them or release noxious gas or explode. Except he had a moral thing against killing people.
So, unlimited power that can be unleashed with a thought. And a sidekick who doesn't kill people and has no superpowers.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
On Flying Carpets
Let's say that your magic carpet could, in fact, fly. It is still a terrible idea! There is nothing to hold on to, there is no protection from the elements, including the winds at high elevations, and it is not pressurized.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
On Love
In light of today being Valentine's Day, as well as hearing a sermon about love two weeks ago, I've decided to do a blog post On Love.
This is a terrible idea! Now with 30% more cynicism!
Thesis 1: Love is nebulous, and this is a bad thing. Love is so broad a topic and so broadly defined, that eventually it becomes a completely meaningless and useless construction. This is a Very Bad Thing, because verbal communication should convey meaning. Imagine the following scenario:
Ben Affleck: I have to go blow up an asteroid to save the Earth!
Liv Tyler: But I love you!
Ben Affleck: What does that mean?
Liv Tyler: It means that you're the sunshine of my life.
Ben Affleck: In this metaphor, am I the sunshine because I provide you with sustenance in the form of animal crackers?
Liv Tyler: Uh...
Ben Affleck: Perhaps it is because I provide you with 'light' so that you can see what you're doing. You get confused about something, and through my council and digging-ability, I help you understand it.
Liv Tyler: Kind of.
Ben Affleck: Is it because my regular and periodic appearance makes you feel secure?
Liv Tyler: Kind of. My love for you is like a truck, Berserker!
Ben Affleck: This broad definition of love is confusing me. I can't concentrate on blowing up this asteroid.
KA-BOOOOOOOM!
Other Bad Love Definitions Either Made Up Or Remembered By Me:
Love is that magical jelly-bean inside your heart that grows into a rainbow bridge when you water it with kitten smiles.*
Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Other Bad Love Definitions Found On Urban Dictionary:
For others, love is the ever-present peace, the constant comfort and the assuring knowledge that the one you love is there.
Imagine, an ever-present peace that only appears when someone you love is around!
That feeling you get when he holds your hand hugs you, simply looks at you. Your stomach flip flops and you can't think straight but can think just how amazing he is. You get in so deep you forget everything and spend hours with him without even realizing its been hours. THE MOST AMAZING FEELING IN THE WORLD!!!!!
I cannot think coherently, but I do think that you are amazing! Also, if you would like to not think straight and forget hours of your life, you could just drink antifreeze.
love is undefined, it has no right and wrong meanings, it's just there for you to overcome, loook back on, and fall deeper into, it's something that cannot be controlled.
This is a website whose express purpose is to define things. Also, I believe that love is the capital of Maryland. I hope I don't fall deeper into the capital of Maryland! It cannot be controlled!
So, let's talk about Romeo and Juliet.
OK, so Romeo and Juliet is the Greatest Love Story in the History of the World, right?
No. No, it is not. That is something that your 9th grade English teacher told you so that you would actually read the book. By the end of the play, Romeo and Juliet are both dead, as are Mercutio and Tybalt. This play is a tragedy, and uses love as an instrument to get to its tragic end. That doesn't reflect very well on love, does it?
Moreover, the message of the play itself is that the love between Romeo and Juliet is paper-thin. Romeo is very impulsive: his decision to crash the party, run away and get married, kill Tybalt, and kill himself are all spur of the moment decisions. He was totes in Luv with Rosaline not a week before. This is not an argument in favor of "love at first sight": it's an argument that Romeo is making a huge mistake.
Towards a Better Definition
I'm much better at being snarky and criticizing the efforts of others with enormous levels of bile, jealousy, and cynicism than making a positive contribution of my own. Blame Connor Oberst.
I'm of half a mind to just split love up into three things like the Greeks did. So love between friends is called 'Philia', and has different characteristics than love between romantic couples called 'Eros', which has different characteristics from 'Agape' love between God and Humanity.
But we speak American, so we're stuck with one word.
But here goes nothing: Love is the irrational motivation to unconditionally help meet the physical, emotional, or spiritual needs of a person or group.
1. Irrational. It is irrational to meet the needs of other people at the expense of your own well-being. Ask Ayn Rand about this. However, self-sacrifice is a big part of love. Ask a parent if they would be willing to die for their children. Many would say yes. And lest we think that this is motivated by a rational desire to ensure the survival of the species, I think it is safe to say that many children would be willing to die for their parents. Many husbands would be willing to die for their wives. Many wives would be willing to die for their husbands. There is no rational reason for this.
2. Motivation. I resisted the urge to refer to love as an emotion, because you can feel different emotions while experiencing love. For example, you might feel very happy when someone you love is around. You might feel sad when they leave. You might feel disgusted when trying to help someone. You might feel angry.
The idea of motivation also implies taking action. A love that doesn't cause you to do anything isn't very strong.
3. Unconditional. I know, I know- my history of Bible studies on Sunday mornings is showing. I'm trying very hard to be secular in this post, as it seems like nearly all my blog posts devolve into Jesus-tinted rants. But I think it's very helpful to say, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This death was unconditional: Jesus didn't die on Good Friday, provided that we pay him fifty bucks on Easter Sunday.
Try a few secular examples. When you call a friend on their birthday, is this so that you will get a call from them on your birthday? Do you pick up someone's dropped groceries so that people will think that you're a good person? Do you get a person flowers because if you don't, they will become angry?
4. Meeting people's needs. This is an imprecise and clunky part of the definition. Again, I would like to convey the idea that love involves action. But 'meeting needs'? Getting a list of things that people need would be hard and controversial. Also, it's difficult to express 'tough love' in this framework. Sometimes it can be a very loving thing to do to tell someone how much their preoccupation with getting ahead in their career is damaging their health. Or whatever.
So that's it. Happy Valentine's Day!
*Note: "Love is that magical jelly-bean inside your heart that grows into a rainbow bridge when you water it with kitten smiles." is the single best sentence I have ever constructed.
This is a terrible idea! Now with 30% more cynicism!
Thesis 1: Love is nebulous, and this is a bad thing. Love is so broad a topic and so broadly defined, that eventually it becomes a completely meaningless and useless construction. This is a Very Bad Thing, because verbal communication should convey meaning. Imagine the following scenario:
Ben Affleck: I have to go blow up an asteroid to save the Earth!
Liv Tyler: But I love you!
Ben Affleck: What does that mean?
Liv Tyler: It means that you're the sunshine of my life.
Ben Affleck: In this metaphor, am I the sunshine because I provide you with sustenance in the form of animal crackers?
Liv Tyler: Uh...
Ben Affleck: Perhaps it is because I provide you with 'light' so that you can see what you're doing. You get confused about something, and through my council and digging-ability, I help you understand it.
Liv Tyler: Kind of.
Ben Affleck: Is it because my regular and periodic appearance makes you feel secure?
Liv Tyler: Kind of. My love for you is like a truck, Berserker!
Ben Affleck: This broad definition of love is confusing me. I can't concentrate on blowing up this asteroid.
KA-BOOOOOOOM!
Other Bad Love Definitions Either Made Up Or Remembered By Me:
Love is that magical jelly-bean inside your heart that grows into a rainbow bridge when you water it with kitten smiles.*
Love is never having to say you're sorry.
Other Bad Love Definitions Found On Urban Dictionary:
For others, love is the ever-present peace, the constant comfort and the assuring knowledge that the one you love is there.
Imagine, an ever-present peace that only appears when someone you love is around!
That feeling you get when he holds your hand hugs you, simply looks at you. Your stomach flip flops and you can't think straight but can think just how amazing he is. You get in so deep you forget everything and spend hours with him without even realizing its been hours. THE MOST AMAZING FEELING IN THE WORLD!!!!!
I cannot think coherently, but I do think that you are amazing! Also, if you would like to not think straight and forget hours of your life, you could just drink antifreeze.
love is undefined, it has no right and wrong meanings, it's just there for you to overcome, loook back on, and fall deeper into, it's something that cannot be controlled.
This is a website whose express purpose is to define things. Also, I believe that love is the capital of Maryland. I hope I don't fall deeper into the capital of Maryland! It cannot be controlled!
So, let's talk about Romeo and Juliet.
OK, so Romeo and Juliet is the Greatest Love Story in the History of the World, right?
No. No, it is not. That is something that your 9th grade English teacher told you so that you would actually read the book. By the end of the play, Romeo and Juliet are both dead, as are Mercutio and Tybalt. This play is a tragedy, and uses love as an instrument to get to its tragic end. That doesn't reflect very well on love, does it?
Moreover, the message of the play itself is that the love between Romeo and Juliet is paper-thin. Romeo is very impulsive: his decision to crash the party, run away and get married, kill Tybalt, and kill himself are all spur of the moment decisions. He was totes in Luv with Rosaline not a week before. This is not an argument in favor of "love at first sight": it's an argument that Romeo is making a huge mistake.
Towards a Better Definition
I'm much better at being snarky and criticizing the efforts of others with enormous levels of bile, jealousy, and cynicism than making a positive contribution of my own. Blame Connor Oberst.
I'm of half a mind to just split love up into three things like the Greeks did. So love between friends is called 'Philia', and has different characteristics than love between romantic couples called 'Eros', which has different characteristics from 'Agape' love between God and Humanity.
But we speak American, so we're stuck with one word.
But here goes nothing: Love is the irrational motivation to unconditionally help meet the physical, emotional, or spiritual needs of a person or group.
1. Irrational. It is irrational to meet the needs of other people at the expense of your own well-being. Ask Ayn Rand about this. However, self-sacrifice is a big part of love. Ask a parent if they would be willing to die for their children. Many would say yes. And lest we think that this is motivated by a rational desire to ensure the survival of the species, I think it is safe to say that many children would be willing to die for their parents. Many husbands would be willing to die for their wives. Many wives would be willing to die for their husbands. There is no rational reason for this.
2. Motivation. I resisted the urge to refer to love as an emotion, because you can feel different emotions while experiencing love. For example, you might feel very happy when someone you love is around. You might feel sad when they leave. You might feel disgusted when trying to help someone. You might feel angry.
The idea of motivation also implies taking action. A love that doesn't cause you to do anything isn't very strong.
3. Unconditional. I know, I know- my history of Bible studies on Sunday mornings is showing. I'm trying very hard to be secular in this post, as it seems like nearly all my blog posts devolve into Jesus-tinted rants. But I think it's very helpful to say, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
This death was unconditional: Jesus didn't die on Good Friday, provided that we pay him fifty bucks on Easter Sunday.
Try a few secular examples. When you call a friend on their birthday, is this so that you will get a call from them on your birthday? Do you pick up someone's dropped groceries so that people will think that you're a good person? Do you get a person flowers because if you don't, they will become angry?
4. Meeting people's needs. This is an imprecise and clunky part of the definition. Again, I would like to convey the idea that love involves action. But 'meeting needs'? Getting a list of things that people need would be hard and controversial. Also, it's difficult to express 'tough love' in this framework. Sometimes it can be a very loving thing to do to tell someone how much their preoccupation with getting ahead in their career is damaging their health. Or whatever.
So that's it. Happy Valentine's Day!
*Note: "Love is that magical jelly-bean inside your heart that grows into a rainbow bridge when you water it with kitten smiles." is the single best sentence I have ever constructed.
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