In other news that makes me only mildly annoyed instead of inappropriately enraged, a close friend of mine believes something incorrect about a tongue twister. I will not share his name here, because I do not want potential future employers googling his name only to find out this career-threatening information.
Here is what he said:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would[sic] chuck wood?
A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck would if a woodchuck would[sic] chuck wood.
Clearly, this is insane. For the following reasons:
1. It is completely meaningless, perhaps even Nihilistic if I knew what that meant. You are saying that "A=A" which, while true, does not need saying. If I asked "How much will it snow today?", it does me no good for you to say "As much as it will if it does". Or if I asked you "How many sugars do you want in your coffee?", it does me no good for you to reply "As many as I want". You are no Zen master.
2. It besmirches the industriousness of woodchucks. Woodchucks are fastidious animals. We can learn from them and follow their example. They would chuck as much wood as they possibly could, but due to the harsh physical and biochemical laws which govern the Universe, they do not have the physical capability to do so. To say that they would chuck as much as they would implies that the only thing stopping them is their will.
This is the best use of my time probably ever.
