Today is a good day I think to resolve that New Years resolutions are kinda strange.
I'm not here to make my own resolutions. That could be potentially productive and not a waste of my time, whereas I tend to do only those things that are a colossal waste of time. No, I'm here to snarkily criticize the New Years resolutions of others.
A local radio station was airing the New Years resolutions of people who called in, and it was going about as well as you'd expect. After all, who calls into a radio station to share their New Years Resolution? What goes through the mind of such a person? Do they not have the kind of self-restraint or introspection required to determine that the contents of what they're about to say shouldn't be shared with anyone, let alone the wide audience available via radio?
Anyway, callers are limited to three resolutions. One woman lists these:
1. To lose some weight, of course.
2. To be better professionally and as a person.
3. To spend more time with her family.
First of all, that's four resolutions, lady. And second of all, when you resolve to be a better person, you make every other resolution redundant: being a better person already implies being in better health, being more productive at work, and being closer to your family.
